Monday, August 27, 2007

I Want to Believe

On Saturday night, I noted a very odd bruise on my right elbow. Now, that sounds stupid and not at all alarming, but I was alarmed. The bruise was round and donut-shaped and very black. It encircled my elbow perfectly and I was quite surprised when I discovered it in the shower. I hadn't whacked my elbow on anything. Not anything I could remember, anyway. And if you end up with a large, black bruise on your elbow, you should remember whacking it.

I was forced to Google. It could have been the first symptom of a crippling disease; you don't know. The only consistent explanation: Apparently, my bruise is evidence that I've been abducted my aliens.

I find this entirely plausible.

I mean, not really. But why not? That's as good an explanation as I can come up with for the way this summer disappeared out from under me or the way that my brain feels odd lately, like someone took it out and then put it back in slightly off-kilter. I've been blaming just run-of-the-mill laziness, but alien abduction is a much better theory. It means when I bottom out of graduate school, I can live in a trailer on the edge of the world with my dog and a fence made of aluminum cans and chat online with My People. (You know, the other abductees.) I've always wanted People.

(And, by the way, when I was looking for the photo up top, I actually rejected one because I looked at it and thought, "Oh, what crap. That's not a real photograph." I've so been colonized.)


Blogger Sassafras said...

I think it's entirely plausible. :) My husband had a nosebleed once when he was a child and his mother convinced him that he had been abducted.

4:46 PM  
Blogger Ancrene Wiseass said...

Hey--ya think there might be any extra room in that trailer? Maybe we could go in on a big one together, if your dog tolerates cats.

'Cause a trailer near on the edge of the world sounds pretty good to me right now.

5:18 PM  
Blogger Acre said...

If I have a nose bleed, I think I'll freak out a little.

Ancrene, cats and their fabulous people are more than welcome in the trailer. We might have to fashion you both a little helmet made of tin foil, but you'd look stellar, I'm sure.

6:40 PM  
Blogger Sisyphus said...

Heh! Do you get to be rescued by David Duchovny?

And can I borrow him when you're finished?

7:20 PM  
Blogger The History Enthusiast said...

I'm with sisyphus. If this means David Duchovny is going to investigate another X-File, then I say embrace the other-worldly ;-)

7:25 PM  
Blogger Scrivener said...

Oh, a trailer on the edge of some unexplored abyss at the edge of the world sounds really nice. I'm pretty sure I haven't been abducted by aliens this summer--I've been all too present for it all--but I'd still like to go in on that with you and AW. We should get a double-wide.

7:39 AM  
Blogger Ancrene Wiseass said...

I like this double-wide idea! And I wouldn't mind a tin-foil hat at all. I dunno about Mouse, though: his might need some sort of chin strap to keep him from knocking it off . . . .

6:33 PM  
Blogger Acre said...

Maybe we need a trailer colony. We can circle them against the aliens, like wagons. And David Duchovny can visit any time, as long as he brings his partner.

And Ancrene, my old cat was named Mouse. I think we'll just make special animal hats. With little holes for the ears and a chin strap and maybe a treat-dispensing unit to distract them from the tin foil. But it's important they wear them. I'll follow Bug anywhere. If the aliens get him, too, I'm toast.

6:39 PM  
Blogger Xtin said...

I have the cutest tinfoil hat ever. Totally sets off the tracking implants in my eyes.

I'm so ready. Bring on the trailer.

5:35 AM  

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